not sandal weather

Do you think that maybe when it's this cold out some of those Intelligent Design nuts are like, eh, maybe just a not-so-bright designer?

the competition is served

With Project Runway ending soon, I can only hope that Top Chef is going to take its place as my Wednesday night obsession. All of the elements are there:

1. Attractive zany hostess in high-profile marriage. Top Chef's host, Katie Lee Joel, is Billy Joel's child bride. And though Katie is only about the age of an average Blognac blogger, it sounds like she might actually have enough experience in the field to make her presence on the show less than completely infuriating:

Katie's culinary and lifestyle column, "East End Girl," is published weekly in Hamptons Magazine and will soon be a part of its sister publication, Gotham. She has also appeared on Extra, Life and Style, CBS Early Show, upcoming episodes of Food Network's Iron Chef America, Fine Living's Pairings and she has been featured in publications like People, In Style and Hamptons Style.

Katie has worked in several restaurants and gourmet food and wine stores. In 2003, she helped to open Jeff and Eddy's Restaurant, one of the hottest dining spots in the Hamptons. There she served as the house fishmonger.

2. A judge with some actual talent. Like Michael Kors, Tom Colicchio is hugely talented and popular in his field, though unlike Kors I think Colicchio's closet contains more than t-shirts and blazers. He has two of the top Zagat-rated restaurants in NY, Gramercy Tavern (28) and Craft (26), both of which received Michelin stars in the recent New York edition. No word yet on whether he enjoys one-liners with incredibly strained analogies, but I think we can all safely assume he does.

3. Contestants with actual talent. It seems like these people were picked primarily because they can actually cook. We've got the personal chef to Jay-Z and Beyonce (though I heard on VH1 that he has a special chef just for hot wings), the personal chef to Mary J. Blige (I sort of love her new album), a cooking instructor (like Nick!), and graduates of top culinary schools. So they can actually do something really cool that most people can't do, which I think is the basis of Project Runway's appeal.

4. Challenges with industry guest-stars.

In each episode, some of San Francisco's most renowned chefs will guest judge including Hubert Keller of Fleur de Lys, Elizabeth Falkner of Citizen Cake, Laurent Manrique of Aqua, and Mike Yakura of Le Colonial. "Queer Eye's" Ted Allen makes a special appearance to judge a special challenge where the competing chefs must serve a dinner party to his guests.

The series is set in the culinary mecca of San Francisco, a city increasingly known for its innovative cuisine from Fusion cooking to a fanatic appreciation of fresh and organic food products. The region is connected to world-class vineyards, and in one episode the competing chefs will have the daunting task of preparing and serving food to a room full of top Napa chefs including Phillippe Jeanty of Bistro Jeanty, Keith Luce of Press, Greg Cole of Celadon, James Devitt of Budo, Cindy Pawlcyn of Mustards Grill, Victor J. Scargle of Julia's Kitchen at COPIA, Doug Keane of Cyrus, Todd Humphries of Martini House, and John Ash of John Ash and Co.

5. Pretty lame catchphrase.

[E]ach week Katie and the judges will tell one to "pack up their knives."

6. Prize of questionable value.

The winning chef will receive $100,000 in seed money to help encourage their culinary career, be featured in Food & Wine magazine, appear at the Food & Wine Classic in Aspen in June 2006, and most importantly, earn the prestigious title of "Top Chef."

Cynthia is my early pick to win the whole thing because she wears funny scarves, claims to swear a lot, and has this line in her bio: "Her cooking is as unconventional as you get: she'll use a bottle of vodka to flatten out chicken, then sneaks a few swigs on the sly." Sweet. I am sure Hova approves. Maybe that's why he flies her around on his private jet (scroll down a bit). My least favorite and hope for early elimination is Tiffani, the "bisexual Bostonian with dry sarcasm and a hunger for success [who] has no problem telling you exactly what she thinks." I think Kenneth, Cythia, and Lisa will be the last people left on the show, with the second tier being Lee Anne, Brian, and Harold.

Sometimes you feel like a mutt, sometimes you don't

A concerned reader sent the hideous picture featured above.

From this poor creature's longing eyes you can tell that your knee wouldn't get the standard dinner table humping, but would get an intimate love-making session instead. And those human lips lapping at crumbs in your crotch.

Gross. I am going to puke in my trash can now.

In a unrelated, but related, note I did a google image search for the words "man" and "mutt" and guess what image should appear. You got it, the image above at #9.

Street Smarts

A Mitsubishi Motors sponsored poll of the most ridiculous street names in the United States.

My personal favorite is #3, but you are free to choose your own.

10. Tater Peeler Road in Lebanon, Texas

9. The intersection of Count and Basie in Richmond, Va.

8. Shades of Death Road in Warren County, N.J.

7. Unexpected Road in Buena, N.J.

6. Bucket of Blood Street in Holbrook, Ariz.

5. The intersection of Clinton and Fidelity in Houston

4. The intersection of Lonesome and Hardup in Albany, Ga.

3. Farfrompoopen Road in Tennessee (the only road up to Constipation Ridge)

2. Divorce Court in Heather Highlands, Pa.

1. Psycho Path in Traverse City, Mich.

Pigasso

An artistic Yucatan miniature pig named Pinto works on an abstract at the Brookfield (Ill.) Zoo. Pinto is mostly a hoof painter, but sometimes uses his snout or the odd dumbell.

Beloved by millions of people who have watched his antics in Children’s Zoo, there are few higher profile pigs in America. But, despite his very public persona, most fans probably do not know that Pinto has an artistic side too. Aside from keepers in the Children’s Zoo, few have seen the work he is most passionate about---Pinto is an accomplished painter (for a pig anyway) and he loves to create works of art!

In celebration of National Pig Day (March 1), Pinto’s work is being offered to the public on eBay for the first time. Up for auction is a post-modern style, original Pinto painting that is somewhat reminiscent of the work of Jackson Pollock (if he had hooves and a snout). Any art lover would squeal with delight at this painting!

The Vending Machine Gap

Japan leads the world in vending machines; It is a veritable vending machine super-power.

Check out the complete list here.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

Fried Food

French fries, dumplings, hot dogs, etc are available from this machine along the Tohoku expressway.

Beer

This beer machine includes large 2 liter jugs. A bottle of Boston Club whiskey can also be purchased..

Beetles

Rhinoceros beetles are popular pets to some children in Japan. Beetles can be purchased in this road side vending machine outside Morioka. The male beetles are 300 yen while the female ones are only 100 yen.

My Left Foot

Thieves broke into the home of a 16-year-old California girl, stealing her prosthetic legs, the second such robbery in three months.

The first time it happened, Melissa Huff of Temple City, Calif., lost her prosthetic leg she'd used to play softball. That was replaced with a donated leg worth about $16,000.

"This time around," Huff's mother said "the thieves not only took the donated leg, but another one for her off-field use, worth about $12,000, reports the Whittier Daily News.
Police said the thieves broke into the home after prying a screen window.

Melissa Huff, a sophomore, plays softball for her high school. "Now, she has nothing to walk with," said her father.

Return to sender

MILL VALLEY, Calif. - A man who allegedly mailed a half-pound of marijuana without an address label on the package was arrested after authorities returned it to its sender.

Steven Coburn, 48, of Mill Valley was arrested Tuesday on suspicion of drug possession for sale and investigators found another 1 1/2 pounds of marijuana worth $10,000 at his home behind Tamalpais High School, said Det. Matt Lethin of the Marin County Major Crimes Task Force.

Lady and the Tramp

A 7-year-old girl wed a stray dog as part of a ritual to ward off the "evil eye" on her and her family in eastern India, a news agency reported Wednesday.

Shivam Munda's upper teeth appeared before her lower teeth -- considered a bad omen by members of the Santhal ethnic group to which she belongs, the Press Trust of India said in a report from Dhanbad, a coal mining town in the eastern state of Bihar.

Kundan Munda, a coal mine worker, said his daughter married the dog only to "remove the evil eye," a superstitious belief that some misfortune could befall her and the family, and that she would be free to marry a man later.

Personallly, I would rather my wife have "the evil eye" than to have been married to a stray dog. But, hey, that's just me.

The reluctant shepherd

A homeless man who police say tried to take a sheep from the Little Rock Zoo has been arrested on numerous charges. A security guard at the zoo called police Tuesday evening after spotting a man carrying a trash can with a sheep in it, a police report said.

When officers arrived Grady Allen Carnahan, 32, told them he was a doctor and the sheep was sick. He said he was taking the animal to a veterinary clinic, the report said.

Carnahan fought with officers as they were trying to take him into custody, police said.

He was arrested on a felony charge of violating an animal facility and on misdemeanor charges of criminal trespass, cruelty to animals, resisting arrest, and theft of property.

Who let the dogmen out?

Rasie the Woof: It's a horrible tagline, for what will certainly be a horrible movie.

Tim Allen of Home Improvement fame will star in the upcoming remake of Disney's 1959 film The Shaggy Dog where he will play a man who occasionally turns into a sheep dog.

On the other end of the man-mutt spectrum is P. Doggy, Univeristy of Oregon's coolest canine.

I love my baby mama, I'll never let her go

Janise Wulf feeds her 4-day-old baby boy, Adam, at Mercy Medical Center Redding (Calif.), which wouldn't be newsworthy if not for the fact that Wulf is 62. She has 11 other children, 20 grandchildren and three great-grandchildren.

In other bizarre birthing news: Eloysa Vasquez a 38 year old, 37 pound, 3 foot tall, wheel-chair bound woman gave birth to a healthy preemie at Stanford University earlier this month.

Congratulations to these new mothers.

The man has a point...

A man who pleaded no contest to a sodomy charge involving a sheep says he should not have to register as a sex offender. Jeffrey S. Haynes said the state registry is intended to keep track of people who have committed crimes against humans.

But there should probably be a registry of people that have violated farm animals as well, at least in farm-friendly Midwestern states.

When a pine feels like a pint...

If you think that tree looks drunk, you are correct.

The Stanford University tree was recently axed for being drunk on the job.

The danger of camouflaged toilet paper....

A man accused of fatally beating his roommate with a sledgehammer and a claw hammer because there was no toilet paper in their home has been arrested.

The horrible twist in the case is that there actually was toilet paper in the bathroom, but the roommate couldn't find it because it was camouflaged.

bark like a bulldog, sting like a bee

A bulldog-bee hybrid named Lilly on display at the Barkus Pet Parade in St. Louis.

like a horrific metal bee sting

I knew a girl who had a peanut in her nose for several years, but having a nail in your ribcage for 35 years is certainly more disturbing. The article doesn't really explain to my satisfaction how the nail got there in the first place, and I don't get at all how it can just pop out after 35 years, but whatever.

Awesome.

better than the winter olympics

I am pretty sure I have seen these "Extreme Urban Gymnastics" somewhere before, or maybe just something like them, but it's a pretty ridiculous video. I have a hard time believing that it's all for real, especially when the kid does a backflip off like a 30-foot ledge, but I'll let you judge for yourselves.

And though I am posting it here, I want to let you all know that you have Colin to thank for the lovely photomontage.

Centipede King and Scorpion Queen to Wed

Kanchana Ketkaew, left, spent 32 days in a glass cage with 3,400 scorpions. Fiance Bunthawee Siengwong endured 28 days with 1,000 centipedes.

This couple's progeny would be the ultimate in human-animal hybriding: 1/4 scorpion, 1/4 centipede, 1/2 human. I believe the child might look something like the figure below:

Valentines Day Vocab

from Daily Candy

amoraphobia
n. an irrational fear of Valentine’s Day.

blue bawls
n. an emotional, romantic version of flirting that leaves you feeling sad and crying.

bud light
n. the blatantly cheap flower selection from a guy who needs to be dumped ASAP. (How was your V-Day? Bud light.)

carniwhore
n. a girl who puts out for carnations.

do-or-diamond
adj. as in, if I don’t see a ring today, he’s dead to me.

long-stem posers
n. people who send themselves flowers from a “secret admirer.”

lote
v. to walk the thin line between love and hate. (I lote Johnny. One day he’s a dollface; the next he’s a total wanker.)

ménage à flaws
n. when you crash your friend’s Valentine’s Day date only to talk about all your relationships gone wrong.

PDR
n. public display of rejection: when your valentine takes you somewhere lovely only to break your heart in front of strangers.

Valentiny Tim
n. a man whose masculinity is put in question by his overenthusiasm for V-Day. (I mean, I don’t expect him to be a Valentiny Tim, but he could at least try to hide his total amoraphobia.)

A note inside the package said "Boom."

When love and a couple dollars isn't enough....

A former strip club waitress mailed condoms filled with a potentially explosive mixture to a television station, strip clubs and other places, saying she was tired of being mistreated by men, according to court documents.

None of the condoms exploded. They each contained a mixture of drain-cleaning detergent and gasoline, which could explode when combined, authorities said.

Five more packages containing condoms filled with Drano and gasoline were found the next day at the Brockton postal annex, according to the FBI affidavits. They were addressed to Boston television station WFXT, Boston radio station WXKS-FM, the Outlaws motorcycle club in Taunton, and two strip clubs — Alex's in Stoughton and The Foxy Lady in Brockton.

A note inside the package said "Boom."

Happy Valentines Day

At an elephant camp in the former Thai kingdom of Ayutthaya, as Nam Choke, an 8-year-old bull, rubs trunks with Boonrawd, a 7-year-old cow

The shot heard round the world

They are no Kung Foo grandmothers, but Betty Knighten (left) survived a serious challenge from defending champion Eudora Shelby (right) to be crowned 2006 champion of Rosewood Retirement Community's annual Murderball tournament challenge.

This weekend Blognac bloggers Alex and Noah convened for Blognac's first annual deep-fried bacon tempura bake-off.

The following photos document the magic that is bacon tempura.

(Below: 2lbs of bacon was purchased from bacon dealer at Canales Quality Meat. )

(Below: Aioli)
(Below: Batter waiting for bacon)
(Below: Battered bacon awaiting deep-frying)

(Below: Action shot of deep-frying bacon)

(Below: Beautiful Bouquet of Deep-Fried Bacon)
(Below: "The Bacon Ribbon"- Until There's a Cure)

Would Your Grandmother Whoop My Grandmother's Ass

Lee Jung-sook, 67, practices for a Taekwondo demonstration in Inchon, South Korea. The team of grandmothers, ages 65 to 83, aims to show that practicing traditional martial arts promotes fitness among those of advanced age.

In other, more personal, news: At Thanksgiving dinner, my drunk step-grandmother, Peggles, went very much out her way to tell my entire extended family that while I am exceptionally tall, I am extremely bad basketball player.

Coca-Cola's Response to Pepsi's Brown and Bubbly Ad Campaign

Fast Flying Shrimp Kills Man

A jury took two hours Thursday to reject a widow's claim that her husband's death resulted from an injury he suffered while ducking a piece of flying shrimp at a Benihana steakhouse.

The family of Jerry Colaitis, 47, had sought $10 million from the Japanese steakhouse chain, accusing it of direct responsibility for his death in 2001. Benihana chefs are famous for their fast and furious knives and food-tossing stunts.

The lawsuit claimed the Long Island furrier wrenched his neck after a chef tossed a piece of shrimp at a family birthday party.

"This man was a rock," Colaitis family attorney Andre Ferenzo told the jury. "Benihana and only Benihana set in motion the forces ... that led to his death."

The family claimed the unidentified chef tossed shrimp at the partygoers three times — the last time at Colaitis — and refused to stop even after their pleas.

Year of the Dog-Baby

Reuters is reporting that a Tanzanian mother went into hysterics when she found her six month-old baby suckling dog's milk. The mother left her son on a mat while she went to hang clothes in the yard and came back to find him suckling on the dog.

From The Family Dog Online's article on Introducing a Dog to a New Baby: The nature of canids - wolves and dogs - is that of the family group. It is normally two dominant adults and related individuals of various ages. Usually only the two dominant adults breed, yet all members of the pack help to care for the mother and pups, bring meat back to the mother and pups, and guard the pups. Subordinate females may "baby-sit" and even help nurse the puppies.

Febrero es el mes del amor...

Nada es imposible...

The People's Business

Actual Text of House Concurrent Resolution 29

Be It Resolved by the Legislature of the State of Idaho:

WHEREAS, the State of Idaho recognizes the vision, talent and creativity of Jared and Jerusha Hess in the writing and production of "Napoleon Dynamite"; and

WHEREAS, the scenic and beautiful City of Preston, County of Franklin and the State of Idaho are experiencing increased tourism and economic growth; and WHEREAS, filmmaker Jared Hess is a native Idahoan who was educated in the Idaho public school system; and

WHEREAS, the Preston High School administration and staff, particularly the cafeteria staff, have enjoyed notoriety and worldwide attention; and

WHEREAS, tater tots figure prominently in this film thus promoting Idaho's most famous export; and

WHEREAS, the friendship between Napoleon and Pedro has furthered multiethnic relationships; and

WHEREAS, Uncle Rico's football skills are a testament to Idaho athletics; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's bicycle and Kip's skateboard promote better air quality and carpooling as alternatives to fuel-dependent methods of transportation; and

WHEREAS, Grandma's trip to the St. Anthony Sand Dunes highlights a long-honored Idaho vacation destination; and

WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's artistic rendition of Trisha is an example of the importance of the visual arts in K-12 education; and

WHEREAS, the schoolwide Preston High School student body elections foster an awareness in Idaho's youth of public service and civic duty; and

WHEREAS, the "Happy Hands" club and the requirement that candidates for school president present a skit is an example of the importance of theater arts in K-12 education; and

WHEREAS, Pedro's efforts to bake a cake for Summer illustrate the positive connection between culinary skills to lifelong relationships; and

WHEREAS, Kip's relationship with LaFawnduh is a tribute to e-commerce and 37 Idaho's technology-driven industry; and

WHEREAS, Kip and LaFawnduh's wedding shows Idaho's commitment to healthy marriages; and

WHEREAS, the prevalence of cooked steak as a primary food group pays trib- 41 ute to Idaho's beef industry; and

WHEREAS, Napoleon's tetherball dexterity emphasizes the importance of physical education in Idaho public schools; and

WHEREAS, Tina the llama, the chickens with large talons, the 4-H milk cows, and the Honeymoon Stallion showcase Idaho's animal husbandry; and

WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"

NOW, THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED by the members of the First Regular Session of the Fifty-eighth Idaho Legislature, the House of Representatives and the Senate concurring therein, that we commend Jared and Jerusha Hess and the City of Preston for showcasing the positive aspects of Idaho's youth, rural culture, education system, athletics, economic prosperity and diversity.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that we, the members of the House of Representatives and the Senate of the State of Idaho, advocate always following your heart, and thus we eagerly await the next cinematic undertaking of Idaho's Hess family.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED that the Chief Clerk of the House of Representatives be, and she is hereby authorized and directed to forward a copy of this resolution to Jared and Jerusha Hess, the Mayor of the City of Preston and the Principal of Preston High School.

Blognac's Baby of the Month Club

An 11-month-old baby displays horizontal bar skills in her home in Qionghai, South China’s Hainan Province, November 9, 2004. The baby, born on November 21, 2003, was abandoned on a Qionghai street by her parents on November 24, 2003, before being adopted by a man surnamed Wang. Thanks to the help of Mr. Wang, the baby could walk when she was just eight months old and could perform on a horizontal bar and stage a headstand two months later.


Little Wang Qian balances herself with ease on her foster father's palm, while pretending to be on a mobile.

The baby cleans the windows.

The Real Bulworth: Hip Hopolitician in Durham Mayoral

Durham mayoral candidate Jackie Wagstaff, or J-Dub as she prefers to be called, donned bright orange Chuck Taylor shoes and large gold earrings Thursday to announce her Hip-Hop Agenda for City Hall.


Wagstaff said she would use "gangsta" culture and rap music to appeal to disaffected youth, luring them away from crime with the offer of free studio time to record songs. T-shirt giveaways would serve as another enticement.

Wagstaff said last month that she was the only candidate with the street credibility to solve the city's problems with gang violence and school dropouts. Her campaign openly refers to her "run-ins with the law" and embraces the tag that she is "too gangsta for government."

Struggling Puggle Seeks Snuggle

We knew it was only a matter of time before America's most popular non-pure bread dog (read hybrid) would be injured in such a manner. What we didn't know was how much it would hurt us. Blognac's heart bleeds for this puggle and puggles like it who are the victims of pet cruelty. Worry not, Blognac has retained the services of Harvard law school graduate and animal rights activist Elle Woods.

When Enough Isn't Enough: The Extended Breastfeeding Movement

(Pictured above: Bethany (9) and Elizah (8) Robinson poised to feed)

Veronika Robinson is not like most mothers. She breastfeeds her eight-year old, Elizah, and her nine-tear old daughter, Bethany, asked for a special breast feeding for her ninth birthday, despite being off the juice since she was five. The Penrith, Australia mother has become somewhat of a celebrity since she appeared on the Channel Four program Extraordinary Breastfeeding detailing the practice of extended breastfeeding. Here is the News and Star article entitled Why I Still Breastfeed my Eight-Year Old for additional background.

Below are additional tales of extended breastfeeders:

Gloria Finkel in response to a concerned mother's comments on a La Leche League message board- My son Jacob nursed until shortly before his fifth birthday. Towards the end it was only once a day (at night before he went to sleep), but even so, it was important to him, and I found it an invaluable tool for making mothering easier.

Blognac Comments: I remember when I was five, but I don't seem to remember any bedtime breastfeeding. If you are old enough to form complete sentences and ask you mother to tuck you into bed and read you a bedtime story, you probably should not be asking for her breast as well.

Karen Koonce from her article entitled Why I Nurse My Toddler- "I love the smile he gets on his face when I ask if he wants 'nursies.' He gets so excited! He almost jumps up and down for joy and makes excited movements with his hands and happy sounds with his mouth."

Blognac Comments: "Happy sounds with his mouth"??? I don't know what that means, but I probably wouldn't let him near my breast if he was making such "happy" sounds.

It's a Buoy...

Not Chinese Water Torture Baby Edition, but rather a baby swim class at The Maternal and Infantile Health Care Center in Suzhou, China. Practitioners say paddling about promotes a newborn's bone and muscle growth, and strengthens hearts and lungs.

In the States, mother and baby yoga is the hottest thing in infant development.