sluts, eggs, and virgins

hello, blogNAC! before i write my first post, i feel as though i should introduce myself. i'm co-blogger Alex's little sister, Emily. that's all the introduction that i feel is necessary, so on to my post...

in what is quite possibly the best bathroom literature ever, there is a section entitled "allegedly genuine responses given by mothers seeking british child support, in the section asking for father's details" (concise chapter title, no?). some of these are so good that it made it impossible to choose just one. here are a few of my favorites:

i am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby. after all, when you eat a can of beans, you can't be sure which one made you fart.

i have never had sex with a man. i am awaiting a letter from the pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

so much about that night is a blur. the only thing that i remember for sure is delia smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. if i'd have stayed in and watched more tv rather than going to the party at [address given], mine might have remained unfertilized.

and, the best one...

i do not know the name of the father of my little girl. she was conceived at a party at [address given], where i had unprotected sex with a man i met that night. i do remember that the sex was so good that i fainted. if you do manage to track down the father, can you send me his phone number? thanks.

this all makes me really happy i don't have any illegitimate children for whom i need child support.