what if it were a horse with a mask of a woman on it?

President Bush has taken an anti-hybrid position that we here at BlogNAC just can't support:

A hopeful society has institutions of science and medicine that do not cut ethical corners, and that recognize the matchless value of every life. Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research -- human cloning in all its forms ... creating or implanting embryos for experiments ... creating human-animal hybrids ... and buying, selling, or patenting human embryos.

Human-animal hybrids could help defend our borders, fight the war on terror, or provide an alternative energy source. If history is any guide, the only payment these hybrids will demand is a tribute of seven young men and seven young women every nine years. That ends up being barely more than 1.5 sacrifices per year. I think that's a fair price to pay to have a Mintotaur army, don't you?

"our super-soldier of the future"

I Vant Your Votes...

Minnesota Vampyre candidate for Governor arrested...

Jonathan Sharkey, Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party Gubernatorial candidate, pledged public impalement in front of State Capital for certain wrongdoers.

His policy proposal prohibiting the sun from rising was getting no traction with Minnesota voters who after six months of winter actually appreciate a little sun now and again.

some really impressive sand castles

Pop Watch: Lachey's New Lady Clears Way Simpson Pimp-Off

According to In Touch via Pop Sugar:

Just two months after they separated, Jessica Simpson’s husband, Nick Lachey, has moved on and is dating a former Miss Kentucky USA (pictured above) according to insiders.

He has been spotted in LA with Lizzie Arnold, 28, who took the state crown in 2001. “She is the mystery brunette who has been seen with Nick around town,” reveals an insider. “They’ve been together for about a month.”

Nick, 32, was seen making out with the brunette at LAX nightclub on January 15. “He couldn’t keep his hands off her,” says an eyewitness.

All this Lachey-related loving clears the way for Jessica Simpson's father/manager/pimp to start hooking up the pop starlet. As IDon'tLikeYouInThatWay reports "Joe Simpson, has "encouraged" his daughter to wait until Nick Lachey is seen with another woman until she decides to publicly date someone. A source tells Life & Style magazine:

'He's afraid her fans will think she doesn't give a damn about the split if she's suddenly kissing some guy.'"

The Dark Side of Digital Video Phones...

The random call from some naked guy...

What Would Chuck Norris Do?

The Chuck Norris Random Fact Generator reveals that Chuck Norris and his famed Roundhouse Kick has been an important figure in almost every historical event ever. Here is a brief rundown.

Biblical Times:
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

Revolutionary War:
There is a line in the declaration of independence that reads, "All men are created equal with one exception: Chuck Norris is equal to 350,000 men." Thomas Jefferson had no choice but to add this line when Chuck Norris single-handedly and accidentally won the American Revolution while doing light calisthenics.

Civil War:
Chuck Norris ended the Civil War with a massive roundhouse kick the he referred to as the Emancipation Proclamation.

World War II:
Hitler committed suicide after hearing that Chuck Norris was swimming across the Atlantic to personally roundhouse kick him in the face.

Hiroshima was actually Chuck Norris pissing from a plane

The Future:
Chuck Norris will be cloned in the 31st Century and defeat the invading aliens by playing the theme from "Walker, Texas Ranger" on the largest sound system the resistance can find.

Next to NetFlix...

Plotline: A boy genius discovers the meaning of friendship with the help of a chimpanzee called Clemens and its martial-arts expert owner in this comedy directed by Gene Quintano. The boy agrees to assist the two in their battle against an evil animal laboratory -- in exchange for advice that'll help him gain the attentions of his school crush and play football like a jock.

It'll be here on Wednesday.

Jamie Lynn Spears to star in "Gak to the Future"

[Lifted from Thighs Wide Shut]

Note: She looks like Jessica from Laguna Beach.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, but the size of the fight in the dog- Mark Twain

The definitive B-Boy v. Capoeira battle [Video]

Post Your Comment...

Any guesses as to what this sign in Taipei's domestic airport means?

Body Shots?

BlogNAC Polls you, the reader...

With Zulema's karmic retribution/elimination last night the question remains who will win Project Runway?

Project Runway 2

Who will win Project Runway 2 Chloe Nick Andrea Santino Daniel V. Kara view results

Freaky Business in Bahrain...

Sucks to be Michael Jackson's kid..

The Bahrainians must be utterly confounded.

Looking Forward to the Year Ahead: Entertainment Edition

2006 promises to be quite an exciting year for the NAC. To share our excitement, with you, the public, we thought we would let you in on some of the most anticipated items.

Literature:
Child acting superstar Macaulay Culkin will release a compendium of letter, comics and poems in his debut book Junior, which his publisher has described as "part memoir, part rant, part comedic tour-de-force." His publisher, Miramax Books has also indicated that "[Culkin] does not know how to write a book", "does not like books with introductions" and "has issues with closure."

Why you should read this book: You probably shouldn't. It doesn't have a beginning or and end.

What else you should know about the man behind the novel: Culkin, after a short-lived teenage marriage to Rachel Miner, is set to marry star of That 70s Show, Mila Kunis.

Music:
Pop star impregnator and career backup dancer, Kevin "KFed" Federline, is getting his shot at solo artist superstardom with his upcoming rap album. His first single, PopoZao, which means big ass or something like that in Portuguese, will liklely be the biggest club hit of 2006. You can and really should watch a video [here] of KFed get down and jiggy in the studio. Apparently, KFed, who only knows two words to his own song, envisions Popo Zao as a Hip-Hop Macarena that is best expressed through the use of ridiculous arm movements.

Why you should listen to this album: Prepare yourself for what is almost certainly going to be the worst album released this year. People are going to be making fun of it for years to come, so take a listen and then participate in the ridicule.

What else you should know about the man behind the music: It is being reported that his ex-fiance and baby mama, Shar Jackson, is sleeping or has slept with Britney Spears' first husband. If true these pairings would qualify as Hollywood's filthiest love square.

Film:
The third installation of the wildly successful Final Destination movies opens in theatres everywhere on February 10. This time the setting is an amusement park. I can only begin to speculate on the ridiculous ways in which peoples lives will be ended.

Why you should watch this movie: It may very well be the best movie of 2006. I am not talking about Oscar-award-winning good but ridciulously ridiculous and entertaining good. If you haven't seen Final Destination or Final Destinal 2 you should probably watch those as well because they will provide the general structure for death's design.

What else you should know: Noah and I have advance tickets for opening night. There will be additional reporting on the subject.

good-looking people attract other good-looking people

"We love attitude."

If you think this guy is creepy based only on the above picture, I urge you to read this Salon profile, which will show you that he's creepier than you could have even imagined. He is Mike Jeffries, 61-year-old CEO of Abercrombie & Fitch and peroxide cautionary tale, and he finds your cynicism and moodiness unattractive. He attended Claremont McKenna College.

Some other choice tidbits from the profile:

• [A]t A&F headquarters Jeffries always goes through revolving doors twice, never passes employees on stairwells, parks his Porsche every day at the same angle in the parking lot (keys between the seats, doors unlocked), and has a pair of "lucky shoes" he wears when reading financial reports.

• And for a man obsessed with creating a "sexy and emotional experience" for his customers, Jeffries comes off as oddly asexual. He is touchy-feely with some of his employees, both male and female, but the touch is decidedly paternal.

• At home, a photo of a toned naked male torso shot by Herb Ritts hangs over the fireplace in his bedroom.

• [W]hen I ask him how important sex and sexual attraction are in what he calls the "emotional experience" he creates for his customers, he says, "It's almost everything. That's why we hire good-looking people in our stores. Because good-looking people attract other good-looking people, and we want to market to cool, good-looking people. We don't market to anyone other than that."

• As far as Jeffries is concerned, America's unattractive, overweight or otherwise undesirable teens can shop elsewhere. "In every school there are the cool and popular kids, and then there are the not-so-cool kids," he says. "Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don't belong [in our clothes], and they can't belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely. Those companies that are in trouble are trying to target everybody: young, old, fat, skinny. But then you become totally vanilla. You don't alienate anybody, but you don't excite anybody, either."

While I admire Abercombie's efforts to put younger and younger women in sexually suggestive underwear, I have never been able to shop at one of their stores because they are unbearably loud. And also because I don't have a great attitude or a lot of friends. Or any, really. Sometimes I have thought about finding an attractive homeless man and paying him to go in and buy the clothing for me, but I chickened out at the last second. I would shop for Abercrombie via catalog, but I have heard from a few people that looking at an Abercrombie catalog can make you gay. Maybe that's why there are so many gay customers:

For many young men, to wear Abercrombie is to broadcast masculinity, athleticism and inclusion in the "cool boys club" without even having to open their mouths (that may be why the brand is so popular among some gay men who want desperately to announce their non-effeminacy).

Anyway, this is sort of a long for a post that was mostly an excuse to post that creepy picture. But if any of you have siblings who have modeled for Abercrombie, I would love to hear their impressions of meeting Jeffries (he demands that he meet and approve every single model).

Player's Holiday

Pimpafy you lay name here. The best part that is that if you don't like the pimp name, you can just pimpafy another one. My personal favorites were Pimptastic A. Valentine and Dr. Deacon Ding Rockefeller.

If the name is not enough, you can get your Lil Jon goblets and other iced out gear here at IcedOutGear.com.

Additional Pimp Information: American Pimp and Hustle & Flow .

Personal Pimp Note: Noah, remember when we saw Snoop Doggy Dogg's "spiritual" advisor, Archbishop Don Magic Juan, driving his money green caddy in Venice Beach.

Cold Monkeys...

Some monkeys embrace the cold weather, others just embrace hot water bottles...

Gun-Mo, an 8 year-old monkey, was taught how to ice skate as part of the 2006 Animal Academy in Seoul, South Korea. Unfortunately, I was unable to locate any additional information on Gun-mo the monkey.
This monkey, which looks unlike any other kind of monkey I have ever seen before, likes to go snow shoeing...

Noah and I went to a party like this once...

before we got kicked out for not taking our pants off.

Saved by the Bell

If you hate Saved by the Bell I hate you. Regardless, you should watch this video as it is one of the top moments in the history of television. And you should take this test to determine which Saved by the Bell characters you are.

For the record I am Jessie Spano.

May the Force be with You...

Blind-Folded Rubix Cubers, the world record is 18.50 seconds.

Here is a video of another Blind-Folded Cuber.

This appears to be the definitive speed cubing site out there.

would you rather?

Chloe Dao
Pros:
-BlogNAC's Project Runway favorite
-Tim Gunn has renamed turquoise "Chloe Blue"
-Coined the phrase "Dirty Diana"
-Chloe enrolled at F.I.T. and graduated in 1994 with an Associate's degree in Patternmaking.

Cons:
-Not a supermodel, and as such appears to be quite short

A Very Pregnant Heidi Klum

Pros:
-Is a supermodel
-No chance of getting her pregnant
-Host of popular television program "Project Runway"

Cons:
-Man in her life is already all scarred up, so probably willing to get in knife fight
-Becky said things down there might get a little weird as the due date approaches. I didn't know anything about this, but she seemed pretty confident.

If you know anyone in Sarasota, FL...

...tell them to stop being so mean to homeless people. The following 20 cities were listed by the National Coalition for the Homeless as the "meanest" U.S. cities with respect to their treatment of the homeless in 2005.

1. Sarasota, FL
2. Lawrence, KS
3. Little Rock, AR
4. Atlanta, GA
5. Las Vegas, NV
6. Dallas, TX
7. Houston, TX
8. San Juan, PR
9. Santa Monica, CA
10. Flagstaff, AZ
11. San Francisco, CA
12. Chicago, IL
13. San Antonio, TX
14. New York City, NY
15. Austin, TX
16. Anchorage, AK
17. Phoenix, AZ
18. Los Angeles, CA
19. St. Louis, MO
20. Pittsburgh, PA

Note: It is the policy of this Blog and its editorial board to love all people, homeless people included.


Noah loving a homeless man near the 9th meanest city in the U.S., Santa Monica, CA.

Project Runway Episode 7

Excellent episode last night. My prediction of Emmett's dismissal proved accurate. Again, Santino clearly does not have what it takes to make it to the final three.

My top three:
1. Daniel Visovic- With his unassimng personal style and designs Dan V. is advancing under the gay-dar
2. Chloe- Good designs, great bubbly personality and really cute (especially when stand next to Santino)
3. Nick or Zulema- Nick has been on the map since the beginning, but Zulema, with last night's victory and last week's salvaging of Kara, is coming on strong.

Next to go:
Kara (or Santino-one more screw up and he is gone)

More to come...........

!Viva la McRevolucion!

Now known as Delegate Zero, former Zapatista Sub Comandante Marcos, campaigning at Playa del Carmen, Mexico. [from SfGate's DIP]

IMing Episode 6 of Project Runway 2

Blogging each episode of Project Runway 2 has become quite a time-consuming task, so BlogNAC will be switching to a new format, the IM-Blog. Since about 1/2 of all conversations I have are spent discussing the show I have decided to record several of these IM exchanges

The names and IM accounts have been changed to protect the innocent.

I B Volberding: Did you see Santino pinch Andrae's ass in the kitchen

BeckyDied: What?!?! No. I don't remember that.

I B Volberding: Fashion is supposed to be fun! Fashion is supposed to be fun! Fashion is supposed to be fun! It certainly is if it includes grab-ass in the kitchen.

BeckyDied: I liked that song. Santino is really a thriple threat: Designer, Walk-Offer, Singer.

BeckyDied: Do you think they're doing it?

I B Volberding: Well they certainly are spooning. Have you seen the video on the Bravo site yet? Or am I still the only one? [Video]

BeckyDied: You are the only one, and I think that was in your dreams. I B Volberding: I think Andrae is a gay free agent.

BeckyDied: What does that mean?

I B Volberding: He will play ball with whoever he thinks will take him to the playoffs.

I B Volberding: Daniel Vosovic was his choice this week.

BeckyDied: Wait, do you think Daniel is gay? All of the guys can't be gay.

I B Volberding: Of course he is gay. All of them are gay. And Tim Gunn is Yoda to their Skywalker, training them in the ways of gay design.

I B Volberding: I think Daniel moved into the top three with his performance this week. He is so damn consistent.

BeckyDied: Definitely. Did you watch the Alito hearings? The woman sitting on his wife's right looked exactly like Daniel Vosovic in drag. Who is your top three, though?

I B Volberding: My top three is Daniel V., Chloe and Nick.

BeckyDied: Not Santino? What!

I B Volberding: I just think Santino will screw up on one of the later projects.

I B Volberding: He isn't as consistent as the other three. BeckyDied: Yeah, but Nick is such a little bitch.

I B Volberding: Yeah but I think he is more consistent than Santino

BeckyDied: Santino can succeed on his own, without the PR.

I B Volberding: Santino will be fine. He'll make Nicky Hilton his personal muse. God I hate myself for saying muse.

BeckyDied: I hate Nicki Hilton.

I B Volberding: I totally would have preferred Ivanka

BeckyDied: I think that they should bring back Daniel Franco and throw us all for a loop

I B Volberding: Santino's outfit sucked. Why doesn't he undestand that americans dont want to wear kimonos. Who do you think had the worst outfit?

BeckyDied: I'm not sure. I think if I saw the outfits, seperate from the designers, I would pick the asian-inspired monstrousity that was Sanitino and Nick's design. I really couldn't seperate Diana's outfit from her and that old hag, and they definitely had to go.

BeckyDied: I cannot believe how Santino talked to Michael Kors, that was so disrespectful.

I B Volberding: I love Michael Kors and his zingy one-liners. He was like "so where's my coffee?"

BeckyDied: Yeah, and what did he call that jacket, something like "80s bitch-power life preserver."

BeckyDied: Heidi was looking mighty fine in that red lipstick

I B Volberding: Did she have her baby yet?

BeckyDied: Yeah, like two or three months ago. Dont' you read People?

I B Volberding: I mean on the show. Is she still pregnant on the show?

BeckyDied: I don't know. It's hard to tall. they hide it so well. I don't think she had the baby on the show. Are they going to film it like on "The Miracle of Life?"

I B Volberding: Baby Clothes is the final project

BeckyDied: But I guess she did look a little smaller.

BeckyDied: I don't like that idea for a final project.

This day underwater....

Slow news day??? I don't think so.

[Also from SFGate's DIP]

Ashrita Furman attempts to set a new underwater juggling world record in a sand tiger shark tank at Aquaria KLCC in Kuala Lumpur. He didn't succeed.

Ashrita is amazing. He currently holds 32 Guinness World Records for such feets as somersaulting, juggling, pogosticking, hopscotching, rope jumping, milk bottle balancing, brick carrying, ball bouncing, hula hooping, orange nose pushing, stilt walking, cue ball bouncing, backwards bowling, and many more detailed at his website.

Fluorescent Green Bacon Anyone???

Stolen wholesale from SFGate's Day in Pictures:

The other white meat that glows in the dark: First they bred a transgenic glowing fish. Now researchers at National Taiwan University in Taipei have improved upon the feat by creating a fluorescent-green pig.

The BBC is reporting that National Taiwan University's Department of Animal Science and Technology has pulled off a fluorescent pig coup in breeding the green-to-the-core "transgenic" pigs using jellyfish DNA. The DNA was injected into about 260 embryos which were then implanted into eight sows. Four became pregnant, leading to the birth of three male piglets three months ago.

The scientists apparently insist "the three pigs they have produced are better" than those concocted by rival fluorescent pig breeders. In fact, they are green through-and-through since their internal organs are green and their skin has a green tinge in daylight.

Somewhere in Middle America...

It has been a few months since I last posted about a dusty little cowtown in Middle America, but I have been inspired to do so again. So it is with great pleasure that I introduce the non-Daily Show watching public to the corporate-sponsored Dish, TX, which recently changed its name from Clark, TX and was consequently featured in a segment on the aforementioned Comedy Central program.


[Via the Washington Post]

In a deal unanimously approved Tuesday by the two-member town council, Clark agreed to become DISH permanently, effective immediately. It's part of an advertising campaign for Englewood, Colo.-based EchoStar Communications Corp., which operates the DISH Network satellite TV system.

The company pegged the deal at about $4,500 per home in the rural patch of ranch land, which is about a half hour's drive north of Dallas-Fort Worth.

Beyond the lure of free TV service for the 125 residents, the renaming is a way for the town to attract businesses and residents, said Mayor Bill Merritt, who courted EchoStar to pick the town.

Celebrity Fetus Look-a-Like

So, everyone has heard the news by now, Mr. and Mrs. Smith aka Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are having their first child. A sneak peak of the child, courtesy of a composite morph of Pitt and Jolie, reveals the secret identity of their celebrity fetus. ..
....and it looks a lot like Harry Belafonte who recently called President Bush the world's biggest terrorist and proclaimed his support for socialist revolution in Venezuela....
....thus continuing the liberal Hollywood stereotype is alive and well. At least for another generation.

BlogNAC investigates Muslim Extremism in the Indian Subcontinent

Since our intrepid BlogNAC investigative reporters were already in the neighborhood investigating Elephant Polo in Nepal we decided to extend our stay and write a little piece on extremism in India and Pakistan. While religious extremism in the Subcontinent is already a fairly well-explored and documented area of study, we at BlogNAC decided to investigate a different type of extremism, the type found in our 1997 edition of the Guiness Book of World Records which we always bring along with us on business travel.

Our first stop was in New Delhi where we hoped to interview Gul Mohammed, who according to our copy of the Guiness Book of World Records was not only the world's shortest living man, but also the shortest man ever verifiably recorded. Standing at a staggering 22 1/2 inches and weighing in at 37.5 pounds, Mr. Mohammed was to be a central figure in the investigative report.

Unfortunately, we arrived a little too interview Mr. Mohammed who passed away on October 1, 1997. Despite his fears of being done in by stray cats or dogs while eating alone or by the unruly street children who would frequently steal the wares he was selling roadside, Mr. Mohammed was ultimately felled by a more equal opportunity killer, lung cancer.

[Pictured above is Mr. Gul Mohammed. Notice the lack of concern in his eyes even as he is approached by the deceptively innocent-looking street children who will likely beat up Mr. Mohammed before making off with his samosas.]

Undeterred, we continued on across the border where we hoped to interview Pakistan's Mohammad Alam Chana, the world's tallest man according to our copy of the Guiness Book of World Records. Again our intrepid reporters were foiled by the death of our interviewee, who succumbed to kidney failure before entering a coma and dying on July 2, 1998. Damnit.

However, we did not leave Pakistan empty-handed as we managed to find Pakistan's tallest living man Naseer Soomro. Mr Soomro, like Mr. Chana, often complains that his celebrity status makes it impossible for him to go anywhere in public without large throngs of people pursuing him. The provincial government purchased Mr. Chana a specially designed car and BlogNAC hopes they do the same for Mr. Soomro.

competing theories about applebee's success

Applebee's is America's largest casual-dining chain, with sales that exceed those of its closest competitor (Chili's) by more than $1 billion. Brendan Koerner wrote in Slate that Applebee's success can be attributed to a combination of an innovative franchise model ("[Applebee's] saw no reason that independent operators couldn't run tight ships... [O]perating a casual-dining restaurant is tough work, but it's not exactly the Manhattan Project") and heavy saucing ("Applebee's trademark Riblets, for example, are bathed in enough tangy BBQ sauce to make a diner forget that he's chowing on extraneous pig parts").



However, a new Applebee's practice has come to light that may more effectively explain why it blows the competition out of the water: It gets kids wasted. No, not teenagers with fake ID's. Kids.

Cynthia Pereles said she took her [five-year-old] son Seth to dinner at the franchised restaurant in Battery Park City and ordered him an apple juice.

Pereles said she did not realize her son was drinking a concoction of white rum, gin, vodka, triple sec, Coke and sweet-and-sour mix until it was too late. The boy's eyes became glazed and he began to laugh uncontrollably, according to a report.

Yes, this may be just a simple mistake, as Applebee's argues. But it's also possible that little Seth was driven to drink after Elmo forced him to examine his own mortality.

My body is a temple...

...an Aztec temple. The contest starts at 6pm on Saturday night, so don't be late.

The Body Art Expo, the world's largest tattoo and body art convention, has returned to Pomona where 30,000 attendees and hundreds of exhibitors show off their ink.

Appreciating Texas "Culture" with the Bushs

"When somebody comes to me and speaks Texan, I know they appreciate the Texas culture" -President Bush, January 5, 2006, speaking before the U.S. University Presidents Summit on International Education.

How to Guide to speaking Texan. Step 10 : Learn the sports lingo. Remember, when a Texan tawks 'bout playin' ball he prolly means football.

Texas football a haute cultural event featuring lots of Shiner Bock, cheerleaders dressed up as cowgirls, and extra-large men running around with a ball made out of pig skin. Hook 'Em Horns!

Celebrity Look-a-Like

On a good day, Kelly Osborne is unattractive. On a bad day, she is downright scary.

I knew I had seen this look before, but it took me a good five minutes to remember exactly where. It is Wesyley's torturer from the Princess Bride.