stop having faggy thoughts, fag

I think my 5- to 11-year-old may be turning gay! How do I know for sure!?

Focus on Your Child has some tips for figuring out what's really going on. If your son likes being around girls (tip 4), gets called "fag" (tip 5), or has gay thoughts (tip 6), you are certainly raising a fruit.

But what can I do?

Oh, there is a lot that you can do. Suggestions for curing incipient homosexuality (courtesy of Dr. Joseph Nicolosi via experienced gay-saver Dr. James Dobson) include exposing your son to throwing, man-on-man wresting, pounding a "peg" into a hole where it barely fits (but in the end feels like that's where it was made to be), and penises larger than his.