"But then I found out about your mask..."

I know this was probably the worst-kept secret in town and that most of my friends and relatives already knew the truth, but it looks like those aces over at Apple Insider have finally exposed the double life I've been leading:

In an interview with The Huffington Post, an internet publication run by a second-year student at Harvard Law School, Errol Morris reveals that he has been contracted by [ed. note: company name removed, we're gonna let Errol take the heat on this one] to produce a new set of television commercials.

That's right, kids. I am Arianna Huffington. All the signs were there. Have any of you actually seen us together? Wasn't it a little too convenient that "Arianna" stands exactly 6'1.5" in heels? Why the fuck do you think I grow my hair out like this? Jesus, I'm surprised the charade went on for so long.

But, to be honest, I'll miss being "Arianna". Now that her, er, my secret is out, I'll never again feel the rush of staring into Tony Blankley's eyes while taping Left, Right, and Center and knowing in my heart of hearts that, yes, he totally wants to bang me.