sharkblogging. or, nonsensical, muddled, pointless sharkranting.

science party

As you may have heard, a pretty big (1,191 pounds) tiger shark was caught off of Martha's Vineyard as part of the Oak Bluffs Monster Shark Tournament. Actually, the fishermen missed the deadline by six minutes, so the shark wasn't technically caught in the tourney, but whatever. Of course, this shark-fishing derby is not without controversy.

"This weekend we'll be subjected to another round of low evolutionary behavior as we string up another ancient fish, another monster from the deep, bleeding and dead, hanging dishonored before the mob, drunk with alcohol and cheering thoughtlessness," writes James D'Ambrosio in an op-ed published on the Commentary page in today's Gazette. "And why do we do it? Because we can."

Mr. D'Ambrosio is one voice in a rising chorus of discomfort with the two-day event. Complaints about public drunkenness, loud music and the tasteless display of dismembered sharks have increased with the tournament's popularity. Some wonder whether killing sharks should be sanctioned at all.

So it's not really the shark slaughter that bothers people, it's the beer? And music? Hmm, I wonder where this drunken shark-killing lust set to music came from? I wonder if Martha's Vineyard celebrates it in any other way?

Now, I don't like seeing lots of sharks killed (by music-loving drunks or anyone else), but I am not an expert about this stuff. This guy is:

But for Massachusetts Division of Marine Fisheries biologist Greg Skomal, who studies every shark that is brought in to be weighed, the weekend is more about the science than the slaughter.

"Whether or not it is okay to kill sharks for sport, that's a philosophical discussion," he said. "And as far as the conservation aspect is concerned, this event would not be held if the sharks were in any trouble.

"People have to remember that this is a fishing contest," Mr. Skomal said. "How can you condone the striped bass and bluefish derby and not the Monster Shark tournament?"

I guess I can't argue with that, except to say I think that guy is a douche and I think it's a stretch to say the derby is more about science that slaughter. I mean, unless it was a band of renegade scientists who, in last year's tournament, left "severed shark heads propped up on the bulkhead, some with sunglasses on and with beer cans perched inside their jaws." If all else fails, I guess you just attack the Monster Shark Tournament's critics:

I first met James [D'Ambrosio, the critic of the derby quoted at the beginning of this post] when he worked briefly for The Times and was peddling shark cartilage on a web site. I do not think much of web-based products and did not think much of that one.

Oh, shit. He's an Internet user peddling his web-based wares? Don't listen to that motherfucker. OK, so the whole shark cartilage cures cancer thing is pretty dumb, especially considering that sharks actually do get cancer. But that guy doesn't think much of any web-based products. Umm, fair enough, I guess.

The guys who caught the giant tiger shark seem to sum up this whole debate pretty well:

The shark, which reportedly had a large turtle intact in its stomach, was donated for research, says Sacco: "They're going to learn a lot from this shark. You don't see many tiger sharks in the area like this. So this is great."

Yes. Sharks this old and this large are rare. So it's great that we killed it. For science. Oh yeah, and orphans: "[A]ll of the meat from the sharks that are caught is donated to charity. It's not just about needlessly killing sharks."

Oh my god, how do I sort through this confusion? Please please please tell me that noted talking head and pop culture expert Robert Thompson has something insightful to say about this. Yes!

"In a scary sort of way, everyone is traveling through life with the theme of `Jaws' playing in the background," said Robert Thompson, professor of popular culture and director of the Center for the Study of Popular Television at Syracuse University. "If one thing doesn't get them, another will, whether it's the pink slip - you've been fired - or the bad medical diagnosis.

"What was so especially, metaphorically powerful about this, of course, is you remember the poster of `Jaws' with this woman in the water. Half of her is above the water thinking everything is fine. The other half is dangling in the water with this huge monster below her. ... It's such a great tale of vulnerability," Thompson said.

I'm glad that's cleared up.