The Onion evaluates the merits of songs about specific celebrities.
On "Steve McQueen" by the Drive-By Truckers:
Representative lyric: "I really loved The Getaway back when I was eight / That pussy Alec Baldwin sucked in the remake / And speaking of pussy, I guess Steve got it all / He fucked Faye Dunaway and he fucked Ali McGraw."
Does it portray the subject accurately? The nationwide poll to determine whether McQueen is indeed "the coolest doggone motherscratcher on the silver screen" is still being conducted, but exit polls imply this song does accurately sum up the actor's manly chic. Besides, the Getaway remake definitely sucked.
This sort of got me thinking. If Sharkpants (my band) were to start writing songs about celebrities, who would they be? A preliminary list:
Michelle Pfeiffer
Why? Hot
Catherine Deneuve
Why? Belle de Jour
Robert Lowell
Why? In the words of a doctor friend of mine:
he had tons of affairs with his good looking students (who he'd then write poems about, then realize the poem would only be good if he edited out the lovesick parts where he moped about undergraduates. hence "waking in the blue," one of his best poems.)David Byrne
he's the only poet of his generation who didn't kill himself, which was quite an accomplishment. instead he died in a taxicab after leaving his third wife and on his way to return to his second.
Why? Obviously
Frank Lloyd Wright
Why? Fascinated by this pop-up book.
More to come. Onion story via lhb.
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